Are you looking for something?

 Aren’t we? Whitney’s departure, like many others including legendaries Michael Jackson and Jimmy “Jimi” Hindrix has prompted me to ask what they have been after all their lives. Are they after fame and fortune? They have had all those I guess, but why have they choose to join the elite group of drug abusers? What are they looking for then? What about us? Are we too, looking for something?

Billy Joel’s River of Dreams, nominated in 1994 for Record of the Year in the Grammy would probably be the best reflection of this question. Have we lost something in the past that we very much wanted to look for? Were they be lost of time, lost of faith, lost of trust or believe; something so treasured that we sometimes goes on chasing, searching, tracking or even mourning over? Would there be cases that we don’t even know what we are looking for?

Billy Joel’s river of Dream goes:

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin’ for something
Something sacred i lost
But the river is wide
And it’s too hard to cross
even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I’ve been looking for

Even from the mountain of faith, some will be so determined to look for lost love, lost friendships, lost time and lost childhood but knowing that they will not be easy to be found. The river is wide, many barriers to overcome and waves to subside. Will patience presides? Will time tell us that we have found what we were looking for? Or will time tell us to stop looking for something?

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep

I’ve been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I’d never lose
Something somebody stole
I don’t know why I go walking at night
But now I’m tired and I don’t want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I’ve been looking for
(Three beat Pause)

Should we just forget what we have lost? Would it matter if we finally found them? Will it change and rewrite our life history book? Would it sooth out soul and calm our emotion if we can find it? Will it be worth the effort and stress looking for them? I don’t know, I will never know. But if it matters then I think we need to brave the river so deep, never mind how tired we are and how long it will take. Should you think that the search matters do it! Do it but remember that is part of your life’s journey and don’t regret missing the better part of your life.

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To the river so deep
I know I’m searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night (break)

Sometimes we are indeed blinded or clouded by beauty, power, grudges and even unrealistic dreams that we walk through the jungle of doubt, not knowing what we have in mind. Some have to battle them out and in the journey loses more friends, loved ones and also themselves. Pity but we see more discontentments, more ill feelings, more wars and even more suicides. Are these we are looking for? Have you got them, yet?

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I’ve never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin’ through the promised land (Long Five beat Pause)

I not sure either. Sometimes I fear that what I finally found may not be what I have been looking for after all. Many people trade their life, their family, their wealth and even their conscience looking for more wealth, taller buildings, bigger ego and even beauty; will these made them happier or making others more delighted? I don’t know, I will never know. Many caught up by the law, caught in between divorce proceedings, trapped in death row or even trapped in psychiatric ward forever. Be cautious looking for something, look for the right thing.

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We’re all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

We will all end in the ocean, yes we will. But the search will not end. Like surviving the Titanic mishap, we will never ends the search for something to cling on; we feel by searching, we feel more secure. Some went on looking without finding, some search without looking and of course they will be some finding without searching.


Yes I do. I am looking for something. Just like you. And your immediate search is this beautiful song:

Good luck in your search.


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